Hollywoodscinece

Holy-fucking-shit.

So wait, what did I learn today? That a guys can grow a free thinking rat brain in a lab which can learn (on it's own) to draw with a robotic arm in New York? Yeah... I guess.

I also learned that there are some things technology can do that scare me. Like growing a free thinking brain from rat neurons, and having that brain control robot arms. I mean, what if that brain decides stabbing is more fun than drawing? We all know where this is going, and usually, I'm on the opposite side to he sanity fence as those who think computers and robots are taking over the world... but this comes dangerously close to that line.

Also, here is the first video footage of an electron ever shot. I don't know how big a breakthrough that is... what I do know is that is totally NOT how I pictured electrons looking.

Seriously?

I know its early, but I already learned something. Last night, a great tragedy occurred when this champion of human accomplishment met with an accident, and her life's work was ruined.

On the upside, now she can start doing things like typing, and peeling stickers off of things. Also, putting her contacts in and tying bows will be a whole lot easier... so there's that.

One more thing. I learned that Barry (that's what I call him because we're buds) and Michelle Obama like to do some casual fisting in the White House. I don't know why that's surprising... it just a sign of a healthy, happy relationship. Fisting.

We're sorry you couldn't make it tonight, Jaoquin

I'm not usually one to promote celebrity gossip... OK, I'm lying. I love celebrity gossip. I think US Magazine is the most unintentionally hilarious thing I've seen since Huell Howser.

So what does this have to do with what I learned today? I don't know... I guess I learned that Jaoquin Phoenix got absolutely WRECKED, then went on Letterman. Holy Shit, man.

I hope this will be my last tabloid-ish post.

this will definitley take a lot longer than a "Jiffy"

Today I learned that a "jiffy" is not an indeterminable unit of measuring time afer all. It is, in fact, quite determinable. You do however, have to be a professor of quantum mechanics to understand it.

A jiffy is the amount of time it will take for light to travel the smallest meaningful distance known to human kind, or, if you like - the Planck Length. For those of you keeping score, that's .000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 001 6 meters.

In my world, its hard enough to try and understand the speed of light, let alone try and figure out how long it will take for it to travel the smallest distance about which anything can be known.

Now, I don't want to say I'm a hero... 'cause, what's a hero? But I will say this, if someone asked me how long I thought it would take for something which no matter or information can travel faster than (light) to cross the smallest measurable distance in the known universe, there is a very good chance that my initial response would be "a jiffy". And in that hypothetical scenario, I would be correct. Then confetti and candy would fall from the sky and "We are the Champions" would be playing, and Freddy Mercury would float down from super gay heaven wearing that same weird leotard except with black and white wings... and... and...

Yeah, they're dicks when they drink

Who?

Oh, elephants.

That's right. Today I learned that elephants sometimes raid villages, pilfer all their home-brew and act like total dicks. These assholes even electrocuted themselves. I think they were in an elephant fraternity, and they did it on a dare. Dicks. I bet they wore giant backwards caps and sprayed Tag Body Spray on their elephant balls in case they met some drunk elephant chicks.

Also, I learned that someone sells horse milk. For human consumption. And people buy it... you know... to drink. *shiver* This guy has the stones to call it a "tasty treat". I hope some drunk elephants pee on him.

Welcome to Bignoramus

If I had a nickel for every time I heard someone say, "You learn something new every day", and all those nickels were made out of very light plastic like the disease infested ball pits of McDonald's Play-Places and Chuck-E-Cheese restaraunts, I'd be able to put them in a giant vault and swim in them like Scrooge McDuck.

Unfortunately, that is not the case.

Whether or not something is actually learned every day is arguable. In this blog, it is my goal to document at least one thing I learned every day. Who knows, maybe I'll learn two or three things in a day. Maybe one day, I'll not learn anything. Heck, I might even forget something I previously learned, and then will have a day in which I become technically dumber than I was the day before.

Anyway, those are the questions I hope to answer in this blog. Read it. Or not.

So, the thing I learned today is... drum roll please.....

Otis Redding was only 26 when he died.

Holy Jeeze. 26?! He was just a kid! That's some real deep soul, yo. I don't know what you were doing when you were 26, but there's a very good chance you were NOT writing songs like "(Sittin' On) The Dock of the Bay" or "These Arms of Mine".

So there it is. One nugget of trivia I picked up today. OK, it's not exactly Earth shattering, nor is it very difficult to find these things out, but it doesn't change the fact that before today, I didn't know that. And for some reason, I always figured Otis was like... 50. But as you now also know, he wasn't.